The Decline of western Civilization Part III, Paris Hilton.

After evading Law enforcement officials across the state of California wanted criminal celébutante and fashionista Paris Hilton is back behind bars.
I go out of my way to avoid celebrity gossip, the coke fiends, the break up dramas, the adoptive parents of entire third world tribes, all seem to be a very slightly more sophisticated version of the endless chatter of a high school clique.
But there is something about Paris Hilton that really gets to me. I’m not talking about gets to me like raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens. It’s more that fingernails on blackboards or vinegar on cold-sores sort of a feeling, she really is that bad. But what is it about Paris Hilton that annoys me so much ?
I certainly hope that its not just some sort of jealousy conversion reaction, whereby I slag her off but actually want her or want to be her. I think I can safely say that I don’t find Ms Hilton physically attractive and I am comfortable enough in my own skin don’t want hers.
I didn’t really expect that Hilton was going to behave in an exemplary fashion in lockup. Even just shutting up and keeping her head down would be too much for her, let alone showing some sort of individual initiative by getting a gang together and through a cunning ruse tunneling out from the exercise yard from a disguised wooden horse. But even with my very low expectations I was disgusted by her feeble and half-arsed escape attempt.
Getting out on a medical is a time honored tradition of the penitentiary. Witness the infamous Australian thug and some-what author Mark "Chopper" Read. He sliced off his own ears just to get a transfer to better accommodation, a place with more afternoon sun, where he wouldn’t get stabbed so much. ( Recent research has revealed that there is a claim that the ear cutting incident was just to win a bet, still tough though)
But Paris just cried for 2 days then got her own psychiatrist to write the Sheriff a note, it’s just pathetic, no way to get you bragging rights in the weights room.
However there is an up side, now with a bit of luck she will do the full 45 days.

But to para-phrase my old master Obi wan Kenobi

"Who is the greater fool ?, the fool or the fool who writes about her in his Blog ?"

Parasite Hilton

I was feeling I little low on Saturday, you know the feeling, drained of energy, with too many things to do and not enough time to get it done. Looking with a touch of despair upon the sadness of the world.
Then I read that Paris Hilton is going to jail and I bucked right up.
Hooray ! I thought, it couldn’t happen to a more deserving woman.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no class warrior intent on knocking down the rich and famous just because they are rich and famous.
I’m an educator, and I know of no other person more desperately in need of an education than this young lady.
Judging by the effectiveness of her previous lessons this one will need to be delivered old school. 45 days in the slammer may seem a little harsh for driving while disqualified but its rather light for driving while being a ghastly parasite sucking the life blood out of society.
I’m no thug either, I have no interest in seeing anyone brutalized while in prison, such lessons are rarely effective anyway, I’m an intellectual so I would rather see her totally freaked out. That’s they way to deal with this sort of trouble maker. So rather than pairing her up with a 100 kg gangster cell mate with a sharpen tooth brush and a bad attitude I recommend a different approach.
To reform Paris Hilton I would recommend a cell mate, maybe a burglar maybe a hooker from the other side of the tracks. But make sure she is a talkative one. Let the millionaire heiress socialite celebrity ( are any of those actually jobs ?) hear for 23 hours a day the tales of desperation, poverty, fear and starvation. Picking coins out of the gutter, scraps out of dumpsites and the hard graft needed just to keep body and soul together on the mean streets.

That’s an education

Personal Fragrances

If you had to choose one, what would you like to smell like ?


Not for any particular reason I was scanning the shelves at a local department store when I noticed a new range of fragrances.
They were of a rather cheap variety, from the "Impulse" range. All of these new fragrances are themed for a particular city.
"Paris Chic" "New York Sass" "London Vibe".
I have never been to any of the cities in question, I suspect that many of the target consumers are in the same position. Yet for all my ignorance of these great metropolises, I cannot in my most freaked out dreams imagine that they smell anything like this. Not unless Paris has been swamped in synthetic fruit, London had been fumigated with Satan’s smelly socks and as for New York ! well the only vaguely plausible explanation for that funk would if the green slimy Ghost off Ghost Busters crapped all over Manhattan island.
So much for that experiment in metropolitan perfume but it raised in my mind the possibilities of perfume themes.
If you had to choose what would you smell like ?
Paris Hilton has an eponymous perfume. I have never bought it nor do I intend to. Paris H is probably the same but I think she has at least tried it. I haven’t but I like to think it would have the major aromas of Bacardi and Cocaine with subtle under tones of 5 Star Hotels and sticky knickers.
P Diddy, another pointless waste of space also has a fragrance out, I’m not likely to rush out to buy that one either, but I read that it smells like money, probably with just a hint of lawsuit.
I think that in the future everyone will have their own personal fragrance. They do already of course but these won’t be embarrassing ones. For me I will create;

Funkyfiend
by
Jacques Dee
"Be the Man you always wanted to be "

Major themes, Masculine Musk, Colombian Coffee,
Minor themes, Pizza,Meadows after rain, Patchouli, Cannabis oil,

What about yours ?