James Bond Vs David Bowie

My latest Brilliant Idea ( No.17), is a movie bringing together Sex, Violence, Spaceships, Rock & Roll, Kung Fu and Politics, now ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages (actually everyone over 17 ) Spaceman Jack in association with Freakytime productions now presents a Jack Dee Joint

The Island of Major Tom





"I heard a Rumour from Ground Control"

Featuring; James Bond Vs David Bowie

Secret agent 007 is sent to investigate and infiltrate a mysterious island in the Caribbean (or Pacific depending on the budget). Home to a now reclusive Rock & Roll Movie-star, played by David Bowie. After he announced his retirement in the late 90’s this multimillionaire superstar is rarely seen, only whispered and speculated about. Is he mad ? Where does his money really come from? Has he had cosmetic surgery ?
The major governments with satellite surveillance know more, and they are starting to get worried. There is a lot of traffic on the island’s airstrip, the high speed executive jets apparently used to transport celebrities look suspiciously like fighters and what is that large North Korean construction crew doing deep in the island central volcano ?
Rumors also abound in the popular press and the gossip sheets about the statuesque ebony beauty Iman, Bowies’ favorite wife and mother of some of his several children. They say she first grew bored with her husbands eccentric ways and then with his isolated life style. She yearns to return to the bright lights and celebrity scene of the worlds great cities.
The London spymaster "M" employs Bond to good effect as she sends the irrepressible poon hound on the trail of Bowies’ Negro Supermodel wife, intent on playing her against Bowie.
After tracking Iman down to a Pairs fashion show, Bond drops some "truth serum" into her gin & tonic, electrocutes her bodyguard with a "Q" section cattleprod disguised as 2 chopsticks and hooks up with her in the laundry cupboard of a Parisian hotel.
Bowies’ secret surveillance of his wife has picked this all up. The body guard recovers and a satiated and sleeping Bond is clubbed, tied up and flown to The Island as a prisoner…

how will it end ? I can’t say for sure but I think Bowie will start by frying Bonds testicles with a laser, or at least attempting to do so, there has to be a few hairs breath escapes
The climatic death scene is also very important. I think the climax will be when George W Bush shoots David Bowie’s space ship with his Global Ordinance Project lasers just as it begins its orbit…
Will he die ? is the Stardust program doomed ? Will we never know if there is truly life on Mars ? or will Sir Richard Branson, Bowies’ old college room mate and one time rival in love turn the tables once again, leap across the Pentagon control room and Kung Fu kick the primary focusing crystal out of the activation chamber, a fraction of a second before the main coils discharge ?

Cool eh ? I think I will stay with David Craig in the role of Bond, Judi Dench as "M" and I’ll get David Bowie to play the role of David Bowie, or maybe Mick Jagger.
Beyonce Knowles will play the role of Iman (in 1979) and Iman will play the role of Grace Jones (in 1989).Then Grace Jones will play the role of Beyonce Knowles 2027. That massive tattooed Maori dude from the Mitre 10 Mega store ads can play the role of the bodyguard. (1979 and again as his own son in 2007)
I’ll play the role of Sir Richard Branson (1979) and Richard Branson will play the role of Sir Richard Branson (2007)

Shooting will start this fall. I’m still looking for an assistant director any suggestions ?