American Zombie

My god its been more than a month and I said that I'd do one of these a week ! well I could do a Zombie movie review a week and still have 6 months of material before I have to get a new one but I think I can be a bit selective.
After the last Motocross Zombie piece of dog shit it's time for a real slice of Gold with American Zombie directed by and starring Grace Lee. Grace Lee is apparently something of a star in the USA west coast independent underground fringe documentary film making scene. I wouldn't know as it would appear that America is now producing more film school graduates than automobiles.
I read that her debut effort was called "The Grace Lee project" where she tracks down and interviews all the Asian women she can with her name. Great idea I'd wish I though of it(I love Asian women too).
I don't know much about the LA documentary film scene but one thing I do know is Zombie movies and this one is a real winner, it uses some of the old predictable tropes of a mockumentary but actually comes up with something rather more interesting and thoughtful.
The plot goes like this; LA has a small but growing population of Zombies, or revenants as the politically correct like to call them. This isn't a George Romero zombie plague, there are three classes of Zombie; the high functioning group who have full human personalities and mind but no memory of their lives before death, a low function group who are mindless and speechless and the Feral.
We follow four of these high functioning Zombies and see what their Un-lives are like, we have Ivan a low rent slacker who works the night shift a convenience store (he doesn't sleep), Judy a rather sad woman who scrapbooks ands dreams of romance, Lisa a florist who is trying to find some meaning to her existence through new age spirituality and string art.
Then there is Joel crucial for the story Joel is the organizer of Z.A.G. the Zombie Advocacy Group who are agitating for reanimated people who are now starting to demand their (human ?) rights. It's a great concept the un-dead as an oppressed minority. They even have their open air festival Live-dead an annual get together but what goes on there ? what is the freaky secret behind the Zombie movement ?
Check it out you wont be disappointed

American Zombie: rating **** 4 Ninja stars

Official website: American Zombie

other reviews and info: Horror movie review at About.com

Review at IMDb

Movie Review: Motocross Zombies from Hell !

Yes that's right kids they're not just Zombies they're Motocross Zombies !
Where do they come from ? Is it California ? Is it Alaska ?
No you foolish mortals they come from Hell !

I must say that shopping for DVDs (and everything else) in China is a very different experience than shopping back home. It's not that it's bad because sometimes you can get some really great stuff at excellent prices, it's just that it's unpredictable and inconsistent. Sometimes you can get some real gems and sometimes a real turd. In the DVD stores porn can be thrown on to the rack next to Disney or a Charlie Chaplin comedy next to a BBC documentary on global warming.
What is here today can be gone tomorrow and things are often not what they seem. So when I saw "Motocross Zombies from Hell" at the local DVD pirates' lair I got it but I wasn't holding out much hope for a cinematic masterpiece.
But I was intrigued. This concept could be quite a breakthrough in the field of Zombology, like Sauramans' Uruk Hai crossing Orcs and Men, Zombified Motocross riders could be devastating. Imagine it, an undead army that could cross great distances over rough terrain at high speed. Plus the Motocross uniform would disguise their identity and the helmet would provide protection against the Zombie stopping head shot.
But make no mistake this isn't "Citizen Kane" it's an independent low budget schlock horror. There was no modern Orson Welles slaving away to make a new cinematic paradigm with this baby, although it would be amusing to imagine if there was;
"The postmodern nature of the Mechanistic Motocross shall be thrown into stark relief by the Primordial Atavistic nature of the Zombie !"
But to give credit were credit is due a young and rather inexperienced cast do some solid work carrying a barely conceived plot along and selling themselves as Californian dudes and gear heads. Technical effects and stunts are adequate and do a bit to lift the overall production value of the piece.
I will let the movies' own website spare me the tedious task of summarizing the plot, so here it goes;

Up and coming motocross racer Cody is on the hottest winning streak of his short career…a streak that threatens to unseat the undefeated riders on Team Skullz. Little does Cody know that this team's riders have an edge, they are zombies! Cody and his tuner Tom and friend Lori get more than they bargained for when during the biggest motocross race of the season the zombies and their un-dead manager Ivan target them for elimination of the deadliest kind.

And that is pretty much it as far as the plot goes. There is an escape to a ruined spooky building in the middle of the desert an inconclusive battle with the Zombies and then it's all over. It gave me the impression of project that collapsed half way through, maybe the money ran out or maybe the crew just got bored and walked out. The Un-dead manager Ivan only gets one scene, he is introduced, acts all creepy and then we never see him again. There is no climax, no final show-down between the forces of good and the powers of rottenness. They don't even defeat the Zombie riders to win the Trophy save their lives and ride off into the sunset. 2 out of 3 of the main characters survive the night time Zombie assault and then stagger off into the sunrise. Roll credits.

Final Judgement 2 Ninja stars **

Motocross Zombies from Hell official Website

Hey ! whats with all the Zombies ?

To kick off my newly relaunched Spaceman Jack blog I am introducing a new feature, the Zombie Movie Review of the Week where I hope to give an in depth review both cultural and technical of one of the movies from my now burgeoning Zombie DVD collection.
but before I launch into my premiere Zombie review I will take the time to answer some (anticipated) readers questions, firstly

Hey Jack whats up with all the Zombies ?

That's a good question hypothetical reader, why don't I spend equal time examining the cinematic examples of other undead monsters such as Vampires or Ghosts ? Because Zombies are the perfect monstrous metaphor for our times. Unless you are a corporate lawyer or work on Wall Street you will probably never meet a bona fide Vampire, but Zombies on the other hand are everywhere. They are in your schools, churches and offices, they are cooking your food and fixing your car, TV is absolutely stuffed with them. They infest every country in the world and their numbers are growing everyday.
Look outside the window right now, Yes You ! look outside the window Right NOW ! Do you see those people shuffling aimlessly from place to place with dull eyes and unintelligible speech ? They're Zombies, every last one of them. They don't know if they are alive or dead they don't even remember what its like to be human, maybe they were human once but then they got bitten by some other Zombie and now its all over.

Wow you seem to be really into Zombie Movies, you must really like Zombies.

Hell No ! Mr or Mrs Hypothetical reader, I hate Zombies ! I fear and despise them. I am into Zombies the same way that a Doctor is into gangrene or the Pentagon is into Osama bin Laden.
I study them only in order to recognize and destroy them.

Oh my God ! that sounds scary what can I do to protect myself and my family ?

That's a good question increasingly hypothetical reader, but fear not ! By regularly reading this blog you have taken an important first step in protecting yourself from the Zombie menace. In upcoming posts you will learn how to identify and distinguish the major types of Zombies, how to destroy even the toughest of Zombies and how to Zombie proof your home against the coming nightmare Zombie apocalypse. Good luck ! here are a few other websites that should get you in the right frame of mind
Rotten library Zombies

Easter time in China

Or,
"Christ has Risen ! Grab your Shotgun and follow Me !"

The seasons turn on and we find ourselves once again at the rather mysterious but delightful celebration of Easter, when we remember how our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ rose from the dead through the miracle of the chocolate rabbit’s egg.
These are mysterious signs indeed and the whole Idea or Festival of Easter is a odd mix of symbols and feelings.
For a start;
for us New Humans living in New Zealand, Easter loses some of the Springtime festival feeling it enjoys in it’s native Northern Hemisphere.
Symbolism of death rolling on into life again is a little more optimistic in the spring than the autumn. Without the context the whole mixed bag of cultural symbols becomes frightfully confused. Change the space, physical or cultural and you change the message.
This puts me in mind of a Chinese Easter time,
A few years ago I was in South West China. Working for the Rand institute mainly, authenticating some bronze sculptures from the early Xia dynasty but I was also doing a bit of free lance research, investigating the effects of post-communist economic restructuring on brothels for Kerry Packer and the boys back in Sydney.
Anyway, long story short; one long sultry evening after work I was winding down with a chilled tsingtao beer, and a few skewers of barbecued pigs skin, in the company of a lovely young lady I will refer to as Tim-tam.
(You really have to go to Chongching to get the best barbecued pigs skin, I’ve tried making it at home but you just can’t get the spices.)
For some reason the conversation turned towards religion, I don’t know why maybe I was feeling home sick or
maybe it was the cumulative effects of thirteen servings of barbecued pig parts, 6 pickled eggs, a liter of lager plus 500gm of Mono Sodium Glutamate.
At any rate I said something like;

"Soon it will be Easter Tim-tam, that is the festival where Jesus dies and then comes back to life"

To which Tim-tam replies

"Ah yes I know like in that movie you make me watch
NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD’ yes ?"

"No Tim-tam ! No ! Jesus is the Good coming back from the dead , Night of the living dead is the Bad coming back from the dead."

Tim-tam had no reply. She just sat there with a strange look on her face and barbecue skewer in her hand, trying to simultaneously digest both the concept and several deep fried sparrows.
I sympathized yet could not help her, I had about enough Chinese language to say

"I am a 15kg Taxi please "

I couldn’t really explain the metaphysical and physical differences between Resurrection and Reanimation in the colloquial dialect, I’m not sure I understand it myself .
I guess the real difference is the Soul.
It’s mentioned the Orthodox Nicean creed which is used at most Christian Churches, and states Jesus was Resurrected Body and Soul.
The complete package presumably with all his superpowers intact.
Zombies have been dragged back to a state of semi life or undeath without a Soul.
Ghosts and Spirits on the other hand have the opposite problem, a Soul but no real body.

Trippy eh ?

I think I'll eat some chocolate

Ninja vs Zombie

Of all the scenarios that have given me cause one to ponder
In Games both intellectual and physical and entertainments both popular and refined we find ourselves coming particular again and again to confrontations fights that pit strength against speed or brute force against cunning.
for me the confrontation embodies that question perfectly is

Who would win in a fight of Ninja versus Zombie ?

It this fight the master of the stealth martial arts, the Midnight Black cloaked Ninja is pitted against a Classic of the Undead the Zombie.
Who will triumph ?
Its important that we get some of the details fixed before we start the fight to avoid any confusion later.

The Ninja

The Ninja will be a fully trained and equipped, they aren’t exactly a Ninja Master but they are no novice either.
As a veteran of veteran of a few missions this Ninja warrior is adept in the Martial Arts. Some of the more well known eastern martial arts such as Judo and Karate, allowing an unarmed Ninja powerful strikes and blocks.
They also have some experience in the lesser known skills of Ninjitsu, years of training in these skills have trained this Ninja in skills such as escape and evasion in both urban and rural settings and torture for information and revenge .
Lets us also say our Ninja champion is a male aged 25 years with good physical fitness. He comes from a Japanese rural village, he is above average for the population in intelligence and height, at about 175 cm. tall. His weight is a robust 70 kg. We can allow him another 10kg gear that could be 5kg clothes or food and another 10kg of Ninja equipment and he would still only be about 90kg.
Exactly which weapons he will choose for his mission will be critical

The Zombie


The opponent,
A category 1 human "Necro" Zombie ( Humanoid ) *
Either recently reanimated from fresh or recently released from a high quality storage facility.*
With similar height and weight about 173cm and 70kg.
Of course the non gender pronoun "It" more correctly describes the Zombie rather than "He" or "She" As the former sexual human organs are now necrotic, this creature now only "reproduces" through the Infection.
It carries no equipment or weapons and is capable of using only the most primitive tools. However Its filthy jagged Finger Nails and Teeth make potentially lethal weapons.

The Fight


Obviously difficulties arise should the Ninja not wish to engage the Zombie in combat. With greater speed and dexterity all other things being equal the Ninja should be able to choose the time and place of the fight. Unless his had is forced by circumstances or terrain the Ninja can easily evade the clumsy and staggering "Walking Dead".
No such problem exist for the motivation of the Zombie, hateful of all life it will relentless seek to spread the infection.
But that doesn’t make for much of a fight. For the sake of a scenario we will assume that by order of the Ninja’s master a certain door must be opened and all beyond it in a room a man waits, A guard perhaps, He must be killed. This man never eats never sleeps and never leaves.

The Ninja will soon find to his dismay that many of his traditional Ninja tricks are of little use. Being Undead the Zombie is immune to pain and fear, making any Ninja mind tricks will futile.
Many of the most devastating Martial Arts attacks would be also be useless, Pressure points attacks at vital meridians are only learnt and described for humans.
Even the Ninja’s fabled ability to seem to disappear would be threatened by the Undead innate sense of the living

Here the Ninja selection of their main weapon of attack will be crucial. Traditional favorites such as Shuriken Throwing Stars, Chains, Nun-chukkas flails and such forth would be useless against an enemy that neither needs air or has vital organs to puncture.
Only the Brain and the spinal cord are vital and both are heavily protected.
Because they can only be stopped by destroying the brain or severing the spinal cord a human male has little to no chance of inflicting the sort of damage needed to stop a Type 1 Zombie if he is relying on Kung Fu type attacks alone .
Even the horrific back breaking reversed crab attack is successful in breaking the spine at its base the Zombie will only lose the use of its Legs .
any striking or grappling with it increases the likelihood of contamination.
The obvious Ninja type weapon that might be up to the job is the Straight Sword or Ninja-to with a blade of about 24 inches its perfectly capable of decapitating this enemy.
But only if he find this weakness will the Ninja win
In conclusion

The Winner

Ninja wins 5 to 1
so to make it a fair fight the Ninja needs to face off against at least 5 Zombies