The Robots are coming !

The Robots are coming !
Grab your Plasma rifles and run to the Hills !

Did you, like me, ever wonder where the 21st century got to ? You know the one I mean, the brave new world of jet powered rocket packs, hotels on the moon and Buck Rogers on Mars ? I thought that I had been promised a Jetsons hover car and a personal robot butler but here I am sitting in a wooden house with a tin roof and an internal combustion powered automobile.
Fear not brave adventurers ! The dawn of the Robotic age so long promised and long delayed may soon be upon us. However there will be a few bugs to be sorted out first and a few unexpected hitches along the way.
Check this out, the Times reports on Japanese attempts to get a handle on some of the issues that our plastic and silicon servants will bring with them.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article1620558.ece

Issac Asimov, the Sci-fi author and prophet of the Robotic world now seems a bit outdated and naïve. His 3 laws of Robotics now look like something a stone age king might have carved on a obelisk, nice and neat but hopelessly simplistic. For those who need it a quick update maybe in order;

Asimov’s three laws:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm
2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

All of which sounds logical enough. But its still smells to me like the rules a 18th century cotton plantation Master might write to "protect" his slaves. A Negro must obey all orders, a Negro may defend himself but not if it injures a white man and so forth.
Those pioneer science fiction writers and amateur philosophers saw the outlines, the promises and problems of a Robot world but couldn’t possibly see the width, depth, and flavor of the society which would finally make them.
We already have any number of computer controlled automatic systems, technically robots building, monitoring and controlling systems that are too difficult, dangerous, boring or expensive for humans to do but as long as they were in industry Joe Public didn’t really care. Now they are going to be in your home, sitting on your couch, lying in your bed driving your car.
What you gonna do when they come for you ?
Despite what "the Flight of the Conchords" have to say in their ground breaking song "The Humans are Dead", I’m not worried about a "Matrix" or "Judgment Day" style War of the Machines where the human race has to battle against their own creations. Humans will just try do each other in as they always have, just using robots instead of clubs as the tools.
The real problem of course is not the mechanical Robots but their fleshy masters, the ‘bots will do what they are told but what are we going to tell them to do ?
Naturally we will construct them as a we have with all our previous technology to fulfill our more basic needs namely,

Sex, Violence and (to a lesser extent) Food and Comfort.

All obeying a law much more powerful than Asimov’s; the Golden Rule.

He who has the Gold makes the Rules

Could a dog be elected to regional council ? and if so, What would it’s constituency be ?

Following up on my Paean of praise for our delightfully hilarious boys "The Flight of the Conchords" (hereafter F.O.T.C.), I will now examine in greater depth an important issue raised in their song "The Bus Drivers Song". Namely,
Can a dog be elected to regional council and if so what would its constituency be ?
F.O.T.C are deeply concerned with the issues as they showed in their breakthrough song "Issues" but "The Bus Drivers Song’ is slightly different.
For those of you who didn’t follow my lead and steal as much F.O.T.C. material as fast as you could, a quick update is in order.
"The Bus driver’s Song" follows a lonely and lovesick bus driver as he takes a load of tourists through his home town, It’s a charming song full of feeling and the flavor of bucolic New Zealand and its’ rural idyll. Between the more melodious bits we get some deadpan dialogue…

"That’s the towns biggest industry, the local sock factory, hence the giant sock"

"That’s the "Bronzer Bluey" a local Sheep-dog who became a member of regional council, a bloody great day for dogs that, not just here but for dogs everywhere in the North Island.


Brilliant.
Like all great comedy the actual places and events referred to have more than a little basis in fact. The local landmarks could be from any one of a dozen rural towns, Dannevike for example has the sock factory. The statue of the Sheep-dog ( a border collie ) is near Lake Tekapo in the MacKenzie basin. He got this great honor not for being elected to council but just for being a great dog and a great role model for dogs everywhere, not just in the North Island but the South Island too, so that’s pretty comprehensive.

But could such a dog be elected to regional or any other council ?
Alas No. At least not yet.
Let’s face facts, of all the animals likely to be enfranchised, Monkeys, Apes and Dogs are the most likely choices. A few people may want to give the vote to cats and I would agree if we limit them to the Great Cats, Lions, Tigers, Leopards etc. but I will have to draw the line at house cats. They have shown themselves to be too lazy, irresponsible and untrustworthy for such an honor, when was the last time you heard of a cat getting a job ?
The main problem would be getting the animal on the ballot, after that the voters will have to examine each candidate on their merits and make their choice as best they can. Should the dog show a good work record, excellent character and a nice shiny coat then there is no telling how high he (or she) could go.
Currently however, dogs cannot be put on the ballot as they are not on the electoral roll, this is a severe impediment to any political career. Yet many dogs have respectable jobs in law enforcement, security, agriculture and entertainment to name just a few.
Which is more than can be said for many voting humans
Dogs are registered, tagged and policed. Human owners or companions are taxed on their dog friend’s behalf. There are entire sections of legislation concerning them and their behavior, yet they have no voice, bark or growl within the system. As the situation now stands, a dog can be put to death for offenses committed under the local body acts without a fair trial or any right to legal counsel.
A progressive government could and indeed must change this inequitable situation.
Dogs need their own representation, certainly at the local council level and maybe in Parliament as well.
Not all dogs obviously, we don’t want those crazy wild feral beasts messing up the carpet. What we need is a few well mannered doggies, maybe a guide dog or an airport sniffer dog to represent their species and give submissions on proposals that affect the dog community.
They won’t be on the General roll but on the Dog Roll ( neat eh ?) and therefore wont have to compete against, debate with, shake the hand or sniff the butt of any human candidates or voters.
Thus preserving and expanding our democracy into a brave new era of inter species cooperation and mutual respect.

The Flight of the Choncords

" You may not know this but in New Zealand we are actually quite famous"


Rating: 5 Ninja stars * * * * *

While they humbly refer to themselves as New Zealand’s third or fourth most popular Folk Comedy Novelty duo they are by far the most original, funny and unashamedly Kiwi entertainers since John Clarke became an Ozzie.
These dudes have had some good coverage recently appearing on our own glorious National Radio and beloved TV3. both world famous media giants within New Zealand. But expect to hear much more of them soon as some sort of TV series is happening.

For those who have not been introduced Jermain Clements & Brett Mc Kenzie basically play the characters of Brett & Jermain, dedicated but naive acoustic folk singers.
Their deadpan style is balanced with a delicate wit. Their songs are not just crude platforms for a stand up comedy routine each of the songs actually work as a real song should .
Some of my Personal favorites and tracks you might enjoy ;

'The Humans are Dead'
Inspired by and designed for a post Apocalyptic Robo-world where the human race has become extinct. A real rarity among post modern music it tries to see the situation from the Robot’s point of view.

"Bowie"
Here the boys really try to get under the Sequined Spacesuit of the grooviest of the Glam Rock Astronauts, David Bowie. circa 1973.

"She’s so Hot Boom !"
Turning up the power of the synthetic guitar & beatbox this number whips up the sweaty crowd on the dance floor with a wickedly hilarious spoof of Shaggy and his Jamaican home town crew

Links to the real deal

http://www.conchords.co.nz/

other Fan sites

http://www.whatthefolk.net/

http://www.conchords.net/