Warbirds
The Final Battle has Begun...
The Final Battle has Begun...
In this episode Spaceman J is shifting gears slightly from the usual diet of rotting Zombie flesh and going for something a little less putrid.
"Warbirds (2008) is not exactly a movie and not really a TV show. This piece of work was made for the Sci-fi channel and apart from Chinese piracy I doubt if it's available anywhere else other than utorrent download. I wasn't expecting much but the concept intrigued me,
What is almost as exciting as a world wide Zombie invasion ? World War II ! What is almost as scary as being attacked by a horde of stinky re-animated corpses ? An attack by a flock of scaly resurrected Dinosaurs !
So when I saw this disc down at the pirates' lair I thought;
"Brilliant ! An example of the little known genre of WWII vs The Dinosaurs, only 8 yuan worth every kuai ".
But oh ! how wrong I was. Let's get the setup out of the way first before we plunge into the battle...
The year is 1945, the place somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. In the final stages of WWII an isolated Imperial Japanese island base is excavating new fortifications when they discover something strange. On the other side of the war, an all female flight crew delivering a new B-29 bomber to the front line is diverted to carry out a secret mission of the utmost importance.
The bomber, piloted by Lieutenant Maxine Hotbody West (Jamie Mann) but commanded by Colonel Jack Heroic Toller is forced down due to some unusual damage right into the heart of that mysterious island.
Then what happens ? Well to give the writers some credit they don't mess around with the tedious process of plot exposition or finely finessing character development, they get straight down to business, namely;
They get attacked by flying Dinosaurs ! Bloodily and repeatedly attacked by massive flying dinosaurs both in the air and on the ground. To save themselves and their mission the Americans try to forge an alliance with the few surviving Japanese and plan an escape using the bases' Zero fighters.
That is were it started to lose me. Suspension of disbelief is a funny thing, sometimes you buy it and sometimes you just don't. An all female flight crew I believe, they actually did that during the war. A flight crew made up entirely of gorgeous women always in spotless uniforms, perfect makeup and luscious lipstick ? Sure why not it's a movie. Flying Pre-historic monsters ? I can buy that after all what was Godzilla ? But when we discover that this team from the Miss Teen America beauty pageant are also crack fighter pilots in Japanese Zeros things start to get stretched too far. Before you comment yes I know the picture is of American P-51 Mustangs and not Japanese Zeros but that discontinuity is the least of our problems.
Air to air combat between WWII era fighters and Pterandons has got to be more one sided than this, What was the top air speed and altitude of a Zero fighter ? I looked it up, a Zero could do 500 kmp.h and had a ceiling of above 5000m, not to mention the guns. Fighting a flying reptile would be like an F-16 fighting a 9 meter albatross. And there are hundreds of these things, what do they all eat ? Coconuts and fish ?
The final insult to credulity is the manner of the the Dinosaurs' destruction. What is their top secret mission ? what is the mysterious object in the bomb bay that must be delivered at all cost ?
Why it's an A-bomb of course ! Not just an A-bomb but THE A-bomb destined for Hiroshima, the most potent weapon yet created and the most expensive object on the planet is hanging like a sack of potatoes in the bomb bay, fully armed and primed to go at the pull of a lever.
Now that's ridiculous.
Giving credit where it is due the CGI effects are certainly well done and give a good look to the monsters and external shots of the aircraft. I guess the technology has advanced to the point where even a pooch like this can get some nice looking work done cheaply. The interiors still look like plywood sets knocked up in a garage though.
It is almost as if the producers wanted to get a certain retro 1950s giant monster B-movie feeling going but didn't have enough belief in their own material, they couldn't sell it and I don't buy it.
"Warbirds (2008) is not exactly a movie and not really a TV show. This piece of work was made for the Sci-fi channel and apart from Chinese piracy I doubt if it's available anywhere else other than utorrent download. I wasn't expecting much but the concept intrigued me,
What is almost as exciting as a world wide Zombie invasion ? World War II ! What is almost as scary as being attacked by a horde of stinky re-animated corpses ? An attack by a flock of scaly resurrected Dinosaurs !
So when I saw this disc down at the pirates' lair I thought;
"Brilliant ! An example of the little known genre of WWII vs The Dinosaurs, only 8 yuan worth every kuai ".
But oh ! how wrong I was. Let's get the setup out of the way first before we plunge into the battle...
The year is 1945, the place somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. In the final stages of WWII an isolated Imperial Japanese island base is excavating new fortifications when they discover something strange. On the other side of the war, an all female flight crew delivering a new B-29 bomber to the front line is diverted to carry out a secret mission of the utmost importance.
The bomber, piloted by Lieutenant Maxine Hotbody West (Jamie Mann) but commanded by Colonel Jack Heroic Toller is forced down due to some unusual damage right into the heart of that mysterious island.
Then what happens ? Well to give the writers some credit they don't mess around with the tedious process of plot exposition or finely finessing character development, they get straight down to business, namely;
They get attacked by flying Dinosaurs ! Bloodily and repeatedly attacked by massive flying dinosaurs both in the air and on the ground. To save themselves and their mission the Americans try to forge an alliance with the few surviving Japanese and plan an escape using the bases' Zero fighters.
That is were it started to lose me. Suspension of disbelief is a funny thing, sometimes you buy it and sometimes you just don't. An all female flight crew I believe, they actually did that during the war. A flight crew made up entirely of gorgeous women always in spotless uniforms, perfect makeup and luscious lipstick ? Sure why not it's a movie. Flying Pre-historic monsters ? I can buy that after all what was Godzilla ? But when we discover that this team from the Miss Teen America beauty pageant are also crack fighter pilots in Japanese Zeros things start to get stretched too far. Before you comment yes I know the picture is of American P-51 Mustangs and not Japanese Zeros but that discontinuity is the least of our problems.
Air to air combat between WWII era fighters and Pterandons has got to be more one sided than this, What was the top air speed and altitude of a Zero fighter ? I looked it up, a Zero could do 500 kmp.h and had a ceiling of above 5000m, not to mention the guns. Fighting a flying reptile would be like an F-16 fighting a 9 meter albatross. And there are hundreds of these things, what do they all eat ? Coconuts and fish ?
The final insult to credulity is the manner of the the Dinosaurs' destruction. What is their top secret mission ? what is the mysterious object in the bomb bay that must be delivered at all cost ?
Why it's an A-bomb of course ! Not just an A-bomb but THE A-bomb destined for Hiroshima, the most potent weapon yet created and the most expensive object on the planet is hanging like a sack of potatoes in the bomb bay, fully armed and primed to go at the pull of a lever.
Now that's ridiculous.
Giving credit where it is due the CGI effects are certainly well done and give a good look to the monsters and external shots of the aircraft. I guess the technology has advanced to the point where even a pooch like this can get some nice looking work done cheaply. The interiors still look like plywood sets knocked up in a garage though.
It is almost as if the producers wanted to get a certain retro 1950s giant monster B-movie feeling going but didn't have enough belief in their own material, they couldn't sell it and I don't buy it.
Final verdict: 2 Ninja Stars **
1 comment:
You have to watch 'Shark Swarm'. In brief, mutant sharks, the blond one from Dukes of Hazard and Armand Assanti.
Television Gold.
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