Following up on my Paean of praise for our delightfully hilarious boys "The Flight of the Conchords" (hereafter F.O.T.C.), I will now examine in greater depth an important issue raised in their song "The Bus Drivers Song". Namely,
Can a dog be elected to regional council and if so what would its constituency be ?
F.O.T.C are deeply concerned with the issues as they showed in their breakthrough song "Issues" but "The Bus Drivers Song’ is slightly different.
For those of you who didn’t follow my lead and steal as much F.O.T.C. material as fast as you could, a quick update is in order.
"The Bus driver’s Song" follows a lonely and lovesick bus driver as he takes a load of tourists through his home town, It’s a charming song full of feeling and the flavor of bucolic New Zealand and its’ rural idyll. Between the more melodious bits we get some deadpan dialogue…
"That’s the towns biggest industry, the local sock factory, hence the giant sock"
"That’s the "Bronzer Bluey" a local Sheep-dog who became a member of regional council, a bloody great day for dogs that, not just here but for dogs everywhere in the North Island.
Brilliant.
Like all great comedy the actual places and events referred to have more than a little basis in fact. The local landmarks could be from any one of a dozen rural towns, Dannevike for example has the sock factory. The statue of the Sheep-dog ( a border collie ) is near Lake Tekapo in the MacKenzie basin. He got this great honor not for being elected to council but just for being a great dog and a great role model for dogs everywhere, not just in the North Island but the South Island too, so that’s pretty comprehensive.
But could such a dog be elected to regional or any other council ?
Alas No. At least not yet.
Let’s face facts, of all the animals likely to be enfranchised, Monkeys, Apes and Dogs are the most likely choices. A few people may want to give the vote to cats and I would agree if we limit them to the Great Cats, Lions, Tigers, Leopards etc. but I will have to draw the line at house cats. They have shown themselves to be too lazy, irresponsible and untrustworthy for such an honor, when was the last time you heard of a cat getting a job ?
The main problem would be getting the animal on the ballot, after that the voters will have to examine each candidate on their merits and make their choice as best they can. Should the dog show a good work record, excellent character and a nice shiny coat then there is no telling how high he (or she) could go.
Currently however, dogs cannot be put on the ballot as they are not on the electoral roll, this is a severe impediment to any political career. Yet many dogs have respectable jobs in law enforcement, security, agriculture and entertainment to name just a few.
Which is more than can be said for many voting humans
Dogs are registered, tagged and policed. Human owners or companions are taxed on their dog friend’s behalf. There are entire sections of legislation concerning them and their behavior, yet they have no voice, bark or growl within the system. As the situation now stands, a dog can be put to death for offenses committed under the local body acts without a fair trial or any right to legal counsel.
A progressive government could and indeed must change this inequitable situation.
Dogs need their own representation, certainly at the local council level and maybe in Parliament as well.
Not all dogs obviously, we don’t want those crazy wild feral beasts messing up the carpet. What we need is a few well mannered doggies, maybe a guide dog or an airport sniffer dog to represent their species and give submissions on proposals that affect the dog community.
They won’t be on the General roll but on the Dog Roll ( neat eh ?) and therefore wont have to compete against, debate with, shake the hand or sniff the butt of any human candidates or voters.
Thus preserving and expanding our democracy into a brave new era of inter species cooperation and mutual respect.
