Kicking off our new Agony Uncle coloumn is this recently recieved letter;
Dear Uncle Jack; I have recently had a falling out with my lady over religion and cutlery let me explain. We have been together for a few years now and we have a lot in common, concern for the environment, Ledd Zeppelin, The Blue oyster Cult and moonlight rituals . Recently she said that she was going on a camping trip sort of girls night out for a few days and asked if she could borrow my Knife. It a real sweet Buck Skinner Model, fixed blade, carbon steel with a walnut grip.
It’s just the thing for slicing buds or blocks of hash up real fine.
So I said "Okay sure" before I discovered that she is going to be using it for one of her Wiccan rituals, I don’t want to be unreasonable but, I feel that I should put my foot down.
Any Advice ?
Concerned Disciple of Thanatos, Eketahuna South
Well D of Thanatos,
I would trust you instincts and refuse. I know she’s going to say that she will look after it and wipe it off after use. But there is no way to be sure that the Mother Goddess and all her initiates aren’t going to be enchanting and menstruating all over it. Then your knife will come back all Creepy and Voodooized. And that is the last thing you want your Hash knife.
I and indeed the whole Spaceman clan remember very well the ghastly events of the Thanksgiving of ’94 when I unwisely attempted to carve the festive turkey with a 19th century cavalry Saber that I had used in a Necromantic summoning only one moon previous. The rest of that night was something I would prefer to forget, it took 3 men to get it all down the waste master. Ever since then I have followed a hard and fast rule.
All tools used for Thaumaturgic, Surgical or Divination purposes are to be kept separate from others and used for that purpose only.
So if you want to avoid trouble with your old lady you could let her use the knife then make her a present of it and never touch it again.
Hope that helps
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Agony Uncle
As I have been receiving an enormous number of letters and emails from people all over the world who have been desperate for my sage counsel and wise advice , well a very large amount of people have sought me out amount, actually a bit smaller than that but in all truthfulness there once was a person who did once ask me for some advice so in that spirit I now can launch my Blog based
Agony Uncle advice column
So if your troubled by any matter big or small then feel free to drop me, your Uncle Spaceman Jack a line via this Blog, all submissions will be treated with the utmost discretion
Agony Uncle advice column
So if your troubled by any matter big or small then feel free to drop me, your Uncle Spaceman Jack a line via this Blog, all submissions will be treated with the utmost discretion
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Moose downs Helicopter, or The Counter attack begins
Moose change tactics, targeting vulnerable Helicopter assets
first read this,
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2007/03/05/D8NM6H6G0.html
It is now clear that just as the wily and determined Viet Cong did a generation before in the jungles of South East Asia the insurgent Moose population is now doing in Alaska.
By switching it’s resources from skirmishes to attack vital helicopters hoping to turn the course of the battle their way. The pattern is quite clear, they study the tactics of the pilots, likely flight paths and then try to launch their attacks when the helicopter is at its most vulnerable such as in a hover or landing.
Using a novel suicide charge tactic this attack will cause some within the security community to sit up and pay attention.
Following heavy losses in prolonged fighting in Iraq which also has extracted a heavy toll on helicopters this story of changing tactics among the wild Moose population, will most likely be the cause of some concern within the Pentagon too.
Given the policies pursued by the current administration towards Environmental issues, we should not be surprised that a certain radicalized segment of the indigenous Moose population is willing to assert their rights through direct action against the Imperialist,
even at the risk of being labeled as radical Terrormoosts
I guess they are just feed up with being shot by fat white men in helicopters eh ?
The Moose is still on the Loose !
The Moose in question is still at large within the heavily forest area but has been identified as belonging to the Alces alces tribe or genus. No spokesman from this group has claimed responsibility for the attack A senior White house official refused to confirm or deny that they had worked with Al Queda in the past.
Of course many helicopters have been lost within areas of operation on anti Moose hunting and " scientific research " expeditions but these loses where always attributed to the weather or mechanical failure
This time helicopter was not destroyed but its only a matter of time before the escalation claims Human lives
first read this,
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2007/03/05/D8NM6H6G0.html
It is now clear that just as the wily and determined Viet Cong did a generation before in the jungles of South East Asia the insurgent Moose population is now doing in Alaska.
By switching it’s resources from skirmishes to attack vital helicopters hoping to turn the course of the battle their way. The pattern is quite clear, they study the tactics of the pilots, likely flight paths and then try to launch their attacks when the helicopter is at its most vulnerable such as in a hover or landing.
Using a novel suicide charge tactic this attack will cause some within the security community to sit up and pay attention.
Following heavy losses in prolonged fighting in Iraq which also has extracted a heavy toll on helicopters this story of changing tactics among the wild Moose population, will most likely be the cause of some concern within the Pentagon too.
Given the policies pursued by the current administration towards Environmental issues, we should not be surprised that a certain radicalized segment of the indigenous Moose population is willing to assert their rights through direct action against the Imperialist,
even at the risk of being labeled as radical Terrormoosts
I guess they are just feed up with being shot by fat white men in helicopters eh ?
The Moose is still on the Loose !
The Moose in question is still at large within the heavily forest area but has been identified as belonging to the Alces alces tribe or genus. No spokesman from this group has claimed responsibility for the attack A senior White house official refused to confirm or deny that they had worked with Al Queda in the past.
Of course many helicopters have been lost within areas of operation on anti Moose hunting and " scientific research " expeditions but these loses where always attributed to the weather or mechanical failure
This time helicopter was not destroyed but its only a matter of time before the escalation claims Human lives
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Swizterland Invades Lichenstein !
A small company of Swiss soldiers invaded Lichenstein last night only to withdraw later when they discovered where they were.
This Geo-political move that has all the qualities of Monty Python engaging in European diplomacy whist high on Mushrooms. No details about their commanding officer were made availible, might I sugest
Lt. Von Munchausen ?
Lt D. Quixote ?
check it out at
Swiss in Liechtenstein 'invasion'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6415531.stm
This Geo-political move that has all the qualities of Monty Python engaging in European diplomacy whist high on Mushrooms. No details about their commanding officer were made availible, might I sugest
Lt. Von Munchausen ?
Lt D. Quixote ?
check it out at
Swiss in Liechtenstein 'invasion'
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6415531.stm
Friday, March 2, 2007
"You Thought that grandma should be off the road" or "Superman has abandoned us" !
And you though your grandma was a bad driver well check this out from the BBC
US woman crashes into test centre
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6414003.stm
The title says it all after being ordered to resit her driving test the 80 year old Florida woman got of to a bad start when she crashed through the wall of the testing centre injuring 11 people.
Hilarious No ?
but wait the most disturbing part is right at the end
The videotape also shows a man in a Superman costume walking around the car, but he did not stop to help the driver or any of the victims. His identity is unknown.
I admit that it wasn’t exactly the greatest disaster ever but even Superman has abandoned us ! first 9/11 goes off without a hitch and now he cant even drag an old lady out of a car. These are desperate times for humanity
US woman crashes into test centre
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6414003.stm
The title says it all after being ordered to resit her driving test the 80 year old Florida woman got of to a bad start when she crashed through the wall of the testing centre injuring 11 people.
Hilarious No ?
but wait the most disturbing part is right at the end
The videotape also shows a man in a Superman costume walking around the car, but he did not stop to help the driver or any of the victims. His identity is unknown.
I admit that it wasn’t exactly the greatest disaster ever but even Superman has abandoned us ! first 9/11 goes off without a hitch and now he cant even drag an old lady out of a car. These are desperate times for humanity
Thursday, March 1, 2007
With Prime Numbers I'll Kick Your Ass
Is it just me or do you too think that prime number are considerably more groovy than their more readily divisible counterparts ?
Think about it, all the really cool integers are Prime.
3, very cool
5, not as cool as 3 certainly but a lot hipper than 4 which is totally square.
All the great teams and organizations are based on Prime numbers.
The Holy Trinity for example is Prime.
They would just be a joke if they turned up for business as the Holy Quartet, they would be laughed right out of the Pantheon. They might possibly work as the Holy Duality. There have been many important and successful Duets throughout history but there again we have the Prime. The ever popular 2 is the only even member of those funky numbers .
Think about it, "The Magnificent 7", A Prime number naturally.
First they were Samurai and only later did they become Cowboys.
In the Future they all became inter planetary freedom fighters in "Blake’s 7" where they fought for the BBC against the evil Federation.
They enjoyed a long career as Robots in 2000AD comics "The ABC Warriors". They also became a bunch of rather feeble Mercenaries in the forgettable "Battle Beyond the Stars".
But all though the centuries they realize that they have to remain 7 in order to harness the Prime Funkiness. They are never going to save the villagers or planetary colonists from the Banditos and Intergalactic pirates with 6 and 8 just wouldn’t be cool enough.
Now I know what you are thinking,
The evenly divisible "Fantastic Four " right ?
Well basically the Fantastic Four suck and I think we all need to acknowledge that fact. Not only would the Magnificent 7 kick their ridiculous Superhero asses even Enid Bylton’s the Famous 5 and Secret 7 would do them in as well.
13 is another great Prime number. You may hate it you may fear it but you have to respect the number 13. Jesus appreciated this. He of course had 12 apostles but with his own presence he wisely took the number in his crew to the very formidable 13. He wouldn’t have been nailed up by the cops if Judas hadn’t betrayed them and taken the number down to an embarrassing and rather pathetic 12.
Witches covens are traditionally 13 that’s more of a guideline than an actual hard and fast rule but you just know they are going to get more work done as 13 than 12 or a flabby and over weight 14.
11 might work some good Prime magic it certainly works for Cricket and Football teams. Rugby Union is therefore a bit of an anomaly at 15 which can be evenly divided by the ever reliable 3 and 5. But let us not forget that the Rugby 7’s is a considerably faster and more exciting game than the traditional 15.
In summary, if you want to really get the job done either do it yourself ( going solo) take 1 mate along ( the duo ) or form a Trio Triad or Triumvirate. But what ever you do always stick to the Primes for ultimate in full on Funky Effects.
Think about it, all the really cool integers are Prime.
3, very cool
5, not as cool as 3 certainly but a lot hipper than 4 which is totally square.
All the great teams and organizations are based on Prime numbers.
The Holy Trinity for example is Prime.
They would just be a joke if they turned up for business as the Holy Quartet, they would be laughed right out of the Pantheon. They might possibly work as the Holy Duality. There have been many important and successful Duets throughout history but there again we have the Prime. The ever popular 2 is the only even member of those funky numbers .
Think about it, "The Magnificent 7", A Prime number naturally.
First they were Samurai and only later did they become Cowboys.
In the Future they all became inter planetary freedom fighters in "Blake’s 7" where they fought for the BBC against the evil Federation.
They enjoyed a long career as Robots in 2000AD comics "The ABC Warriors". They also became a bunch of rather feeble Mercenaries in the forgettable "Battle Beyond the Stars".
But all though the centuries they realize that they have to remain 7 in order to harness the Prime Funkiness. They are never going to save the villagers or planetary colonists from the Banditos and Intergalactic pirates with 6 and 8 just wouldn’t be cool enough.
Now I know what you are thinking,
The evenly divisible "Fantastic Four " right ?
Well basically the Fantastic Four suck and I think we all need to acknowledge that fact. Not only would the Magnificent 7 kick their ridiculous Superhero asses even Enid Bylton’s the Famous 5 and Secret 7 would do them in as well.
13 is another great Prime number. You may hate it you may fear it but you have to respect the number 13. Jesus appreciated this. He of course had 12 apostles but with his own presence he wisely took the number in his crew to the very formidable 13. He wouldn’t have been nailed up by the cops if Judas hadn’t betrayed them and taken the number down to an embarrassing and rather pathetic 12.
Witches covens are traditionally 13 that’s more of a guideline than an actual hard and fast rule but you just know they are going to get more work done as 13 than 12 or a flabby and over weight 14.
11 might work some good Prime magic it certainly works for Cricket and Football teams. Rugby Union is therefore a bit of an anomaly at 15 which can be evenly divided by the ever reliable 3 and 5. But let us not forget that the Rugby 7’s is a considerably faster and more exciting game than the traditional 15.
In summary, if you want to really get the job done either do it yourself ( going solo) take 1 mate along ( the duo ) or form a Trio Triad or Triumvirate. But what ever you do always stick to the Primes for ultimate in full on Funky Effects.
Top 5 Super Villain Monikers, "Or who is the Bishop ?"
Its well appreciated in this global market place that if you want to sell, then The Brand is the thing. That’s true if your exporting Apples or Terror.
In this fast paced world with new products entering the marketplace and things blowing up every day Consumers need a clear and direct brand to associate with the product in order that its not lost in the background.
A memorable nickname or "Nom de’ Geure" is essential if you want to get the credit
http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/251166,CST-NWS-bomber10.article
Here is a link to a little story about a small man with a big problem, he likes to send bombs in the post. He has adopted for himself the rather grandiloquent moniker of "The Bishop". Now clearly that’s going a bit far he’s not even a priest yet.
But how do you get a groovy name ? Some people get to choose their own but most people get labeled by the masses or the popular press. So my advice is get in early or miss out as all the really cool nicknames have already been taken.
So here are my top 5 Super Villain Monikers
1 Carlos The Jackal
2 The Unabomber
3 Jack the Ripper
4 The Red Baron
5 Stalin ( Steel )
In this fast paced world with new products entering the marketplace and things blowing up every day Consumers need a clear and direct brand to associate with the product in order that its not lost in the background.
A memorable nickname or "Nom de’ Geure" is essential if you want to get the credit
http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/251166,CST-NWS-bomber10.article
Here is a link to a little story about a small man with a big problem, he likes to send bombs in the post. He has adopted for himself the rather grandiloquent moniker of "The Bishop". Now clearly that’s going a bit far he’s not even a priest yet.
But how do you get a groovy name ? Some people get to choose their own but most people get labeled by the masses or the popular press. So my advice is get in early or miss out as all the really cool nicknames have already been taken.
So here are my top 5 Super Villain Monikers
1 Carlos The Jackal
2 The Unabomber
3 Jack the Ripper
4 The Red Baron
5 Stalin ( Steel )
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